Okay, so I'm the dragon.

“Humans are weird” idea

the-haiku-bot:

marlynnofmany:

megan-cutler:

marlynnofmany:

It seems to always be the case that aliens have names that are “unpronounceable by the human tongue.”  But, y’know, humans are actually really good mimics.  We can do impressions of anything, and some of us are really good at it.  What if that was a special skill of ours that was constantly surprising the aliens?

Alien talks about human like s/he’s not there, only to be shocked when its own language comes out of that strange little mouth.

Alien can’t figure out WHAT that noise onboard is, only to find human crewmate pranking it.  (“As soon as he leaves, I’m gonna do the sound of a failing hover engine, okay?  Just see where he looks first!”)

Alien hears a different noise and a thud, then “Sorry, I tripped.”  (”But you squeaked.”  “Yeah, didn’t mean to.  Sounded kinda dumb.”)

Alien is alarmed to hear the sound of two Dangerous Animals coming from the containment room.  Thinks the one has multiplied.  Runs in, find human yowling back at it.  (“It seemed lonely, so I was talking to it.  Reminds me of a cat I had once.”)

The away team is threatened by a Large Animal protecting its young.  Alien Captain knows what to do.  Shoves the human up front and points.  “Make the noises that the little ones are making.  This is your time to shine.”

I particularly like that last one. Now imagining that the Large Animal quickly adopts the human and won’t let the others near it. The human just sits in the giant pile of fluff and shrugs helplessly.

“Human-Bob, you have overperformed.  Please tell it to let you go.”

“Dude, I have NO idea what the noises mean.  Maybe you can distract it?”

“This may take some time.  Enjoy your new family unit.”

“Hey now.”

“Human-Bob, you have

overperformed. Please tell

it to let you go.”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

(via starrboned)

str0kethebigtree-deactivated202:

theory 1: baseball curses are real bc look what happened to the cubs and the red sox

theory 2: baseball curses are fake bc no one has ever cursed the yankees

theory 3 (synthesis): no one has successfully cursed the yankees bc they employ a cadre of dark wizards

(via acidmatze)

drchucktingle:

LOVE IS REAL AND WE HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN TO PROVE IT LETS TROT

(via cephalopodvictorious)

holedyke:

i love walking around my house at night wearing a too small tshirt and underwear it makes me feel like the slutty girl who dies first in a horror movie

(via raebird)

thegaymertrainer:

I FINALLY FOUND IT AGAIN

(via knottahooker)

julieterbang:

(via waltermittie)

switchelsweets:

themythicalcodfish:

pikestaff:

“Stop saying 15 year olds with weird interests are cringe, they’re 15” this is true however you should also stop saying adults with weird interests are cringe because who gives a shit

To wit:

I want to share some wisdom from my high school art teacher.

In my AP Art class, there was a girl who was just starting to experiment with mixed media. At this point she was still playing around, trying to decide what direction she wanted to go with her portfolio. So one critique day, she brought in an abstract canvas with some rhinestone highlights and painted and real peacock feathers. She loved sparkles and peacock feathers so she thought she’d try introducing them a *little*. And after everyone had given some input, the teacher gave her his advice, VERY roughly paraphrased here:

“So here’s the thing… I do not like this style. These are just elements that do not speak to me personally, but I see that you like them, and you’re doing interesting things with them.

“My biggest critique is, I only merely *dislike* this piece. I want you to make me HATE it. Go crazy with the things that you like. Don’t hold back trying to make it palatable to people like me. Because I am NEVER going to like it. And if the audience does not like it, it should drive them crazy seeing how much YOU love it.”

Her portfolio was chock full of neon colors and glitter and rhinestones and splashes of peacock feathers and it was a delight. Our teacher despised every piece lol, but she got great marks and I think even won some awards. And more importantly, she was happy and proud of the results. Because she didn’t limit herself by trying to appeal to people who were never going to enjoy what she enjoyed.

Takeaway here: be as cringe as you want. Don’t limit yourself based on other ppl’s tastes. They’re not you, and you are incredible 💕

(via toli-a)

the-thought-emporium-imperial:

beardedmrbean:

how to make your effects extra special

It can be somewhat disheartening when you the artisans and craftsman of yesteryear who created miracles out of limited technology go forgotten. Always nice to see someone somewhere making tributes to them.

(via joyfulkitchen)

only-tiktoks:

(via onemuseleft)

derinthescarletpescatarian:

secretballerina:

derinthescarletpescatarian:

writing-prompt-s:

Your roommate is so bad at pretending to be a human, you’ve started to just automatically back him up in public. Tonight he tells you how nice it is to know the only other alien in the city, and you have to break the bad news

It started pretty simply. “Needs more plutonium,” your roommate said on your third day of university as you ate noodles together. Then he froze, staring at you, the colour draining from his face.

A weird joke to pull out, sure, but not panic-weird. You grew up a nerd. Your in-jokes are weirder. This guy, you decide, is unbelievably shy. Might have had bad experiences. Or social anxiety maybe.

You just give him a reassuring grin. “Definitely needs more plutonium,” you agree, and take a big bite of noodle, and something in him relaxes and he looks at you with a strange kind of understanding that you can’t really interpret, and from then on, you have a new close friend.

Keep reading

So awesome writing, such a good plot twist! Loved it, loved it, loved it! It reads exactly as a start of a book (series?). Derinthescarletpescatarian, will you continue? Please!

I don’t have time, I have to finish the scifi story I’m already writing

(via daemoninwhiteround2)

storybookprincess:

i have a lot of stock phrases that i use for certain situations in my day to day as a library worker, but by far my favorite is for when i have a screaming baby & their clearly frazzled & embaraased caretaker

i’ll look at the grown up but gesture to the screaming child & go “thank GOODNESS someone finally said it! i’ve been thinking the exact same thing all day!” which is usually met with a beat of confusion as they process my dumb joke & then laughter

the purpose of this little bit is two-fold:

1. let the grown up know i’m not judging them or their child. screaming is just how very young children often communicate

2. draw subtle attention to the fact that most adults have a lot days when we want to have a nuclear grade meltdown in public, but we’ve simply been socialized to think of it as impolite

(via gattmammon)

crafblr:

btw I’ve found these stretches from the WAK blog very helpful when knitting a lot:

Plus make sure to take breaks regularly - and stop if anything starts to hurt!

especially with gift knitting I know it can be tempting to push through it for a deadline, but it’s really not worth causing long term injury. (And anyone knit-worthy should be understanding of that, imho.) Stay well :)

blanket-harlet:

excuseme-howdareyou:

hungwy:

comfy bed. take me home. to the place. where i belong. pillow blanky. sleeping soundly. take me home. comfy bed

The way this post has invaded my psyche is immeasurable. In my darkest, sleepiest hours I will cry “pillow blanky. Sleeping soundly” with the same desperation of a dying man, who know his death is coming, but cannot fathom its shape.

(via gattmammon)

monsterfactoryfanfic:

stairset:

stairset:

OP you’re my personal fucking hero

(via starrboned)